That picture doesn’t really have to do with anything. I feel.
So, all this has been difficult to deal with.
I’ve been drinking a little more than usual, which is a thing, I think, that is bad.
Drawing is better than drinking. Dancing is better than pacing. Writing is better than laying on the floor- sober- staring at the base of a book shelf for hours at a time.
So I’m going to try to write more.
I’ve been too tired to do anything lengthy or linear. Yeah! Who needed that shit?!
Thinking of all the things boiling under the surface of your life. All the things that could go wrong. Trying to calculate how many of them are happening and how soon they could happen and what you can do to fend them off and where you could go if you can’t.
When it’s too much effort to lift your foot from the car to the ground after you’ve opened the car door. But you know it looks funny that you’re just sitting there with the door open.
I don’t feel like the sort of person who survives. Times like this. Things like this.
I found my new favorite quote today.
I have never once in my life consciously and deliberately listened to a song by Madonna. Lady Gaga, Yes. Madonna, No. I don’t know why. I’m sure they must have drifted past me, in stores or lobbies or wherever.
“People say that I’m so controversial, but I think the most controversial thing I have ever done is to stick around” – Madonna
But who did Madonna turn to, when Madonna was depressed?!?
Among others- Maya Angelou.
And that sums up social progress in America.
*** *** ***
Still I Rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history’s shame
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.